A Year of Dan & Jo: December

January 1st, 2018: Full circle

In a blink, the year flew by. A year ago I opened my front door and everything changed. It feels like yesterday. I am so glad we managed to be together to mark the occasion.

December started out with my sister asking me to join her on a Very Important Day later in the month. It would be the day after Dan arrived and she was worried that would be a problem as we had so little time with each other. I told her that if Dan had a problem with me spending the day with my sister when she needed me then he wasn’t as fabulous as I thought. As such, I was not surprised when he told me it wasn’t a problem at all and I didn’t need his permission to go. I offered to walk the dogs before I left so he could sleep in and he said that really wasn’t necessary; he’d walk the dogs after I was gone so that I could get ready in peace. You see, he’s a keeper for a reason.

It was still a good three weeks before he was due to arrive and the time flew by as it was full of year-end things at work and some lovely visits with friends old and new in between. My friend Larissa and I planned to visit Paleis Soestdijk before it closed to the public for good on the 20th only to get to Soest and realise that it was closed on Wednesdays. Oops. We had a lovely lunch at Grand Café de Lindenhof and wandered around the shopping street for a bit before heading home again. There wouldn’t be many more chances to see the palace anymore before the new year and it looked like it would be a missed opportunity for me as I simply didn’t have the time before Dan arrived.

I had so many things to do that before I could even fully wrap all the gifts, Christmas was here and at the same time, Dan’s birthday. I had sent him his birthday gift in the mail and he’d be getting his Christmas presents from me here in Amsterdam two days later. I really wanted to keep the two things separate.

I went to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas Day and some of Boxing Day with them. I messaged Dan a lot and on Boxing Day he sent me updates from his house as there were lots of people over to visit and be merry. I got text updates from Vicky with pictures of Dan looking cute. I also got a picture of the present she and Jonny had brought for me that didn’t fit into Dan’s overstuffed suitcase anymore. It was nice to feel like I was there a bit, even though I wasn’t.

Dan’s flight landed early in the morning on the 27th and it felt like it took ages for him to come through the doors at arrivals. We have a running joke that the plane lands in Belgium and you taxi from there. It really felt like it last Wednesday! Once he was finally through we quickly headed to my house (in the rain) and passed the time waiting for the IKEA delivery guys to bring me my new bed by giving each other our Christmas gifts. I had sent Dan a list of things that I would like to have and he took it for a check list. He got me so many lovely and thoughtful little things that I’ve lost count. The highlights were little pillows with the dogs and his face on them, a picture of the both of us that he made into a painting and a little heart charm for my charm bracelet but that’s nowhere near all the treasure I got.

The dogs model their pillow counterparts and my picture-painting

My bed arrived quite early and we had it put together in no time. Just like with the tent last August, we displayed some excellent team work. And it was fun, too 🙂

Building the bed with dog supervision

The finished product, complete with fairy lights

After bed construction we headed down to the supermarket to get some supplies (in the rain) and then settled down to watch the last three episodes in season three of Black Mirror. Then we took the old mattresses down to the collection spot, ready for the pick up the next day.   By the time we fell into the new bed it felt like he’d already been here for two days because we’d been on the  move so much.

On Thursday I went to Nijmegen with my sister and Dan was left home alone in charge of the dogs and cats and keeping me posted on how they were all missing me. Dan already knew the whole dog walking routine from when he was over last April and was taking care of me after surgery. I knew my animals were in good hands and now Dan got a taste of what it was like for me to be bored at home while he was out. I didn’t get home again until quite a bit later than I thought I would but, thanks to technology, I had already ordered take out on my phone from the comfort of the train and it was there waiting for me as I walked through the door to two very excited dogs, two indifferent cats and a very smiley Dan. It had been quite a long day so we didn’t stay up much later than it took us to eat dinner. We were only on Day 2 of his visit and we’d already packed in quite a lot.

On Friday the 29th of December Dan, Larissa and I made another attempt to visit Paleis Soestdijk together. I’d bought Dan a ticket online after realising that it really was a last chance opportunity and it would be a shame to miss out. We drove out to Soest, had lunch at Grand Café de Lindenhof again (it really is very good) and then drove out to the palace together. It started raining as we were walking towards the entrance and it suddenly got very cold. Then it started snowing a bit. In the palace we got stuck behind a very slow and very long tour but we did get to see everything and took loads of pictures. It was a really lovely visit and I’m glad we went. It stopped raining on the way home.

Paleis Soestdijk

Palace selfie

Once we were home I made us some chicken and veg in the oven and we settled down to watch the first two episodes of the new season of Black Mirror. For anyone not watching yet, get on it! It’s a corker of a TV show.

We planned to have a lazy day on Saturday to balance out all of our previous activity but that didn’t really happen. We did the unthinkable and went to a supermarket on the second last day of the year and that took up quite a bit of time (in the rain). We bought groceries for New Year’s Eve and gifts from Dan for my family. We did some tidying up and getting ready for the trip out to my parents the next day. Once all those things were done we did manage to settle down for a bit and watch more Black Mirror while I crocheted a shawl for Dan’s mom. We finished the whole season and then watched Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

The next day it was the last day of the year and exactly a year after I met Dan for the first time. Had you asked me then what I thought December 31, 2017 would bring me, waking up in Dan’s arms wouldn’t have made the list. Tiny little things can completely change the course of your life and anything going differently on our timeline would probably have meant we never would have met. That first night in 2016 I dreamt about Dan. I dreamt that I really wanted to kiss him. I didn’t tell him that until quite a few months later but it’s funny thinking back on that now. At the time I thought it was amusing but not much more than that. That first night he dreamt about me, too.

We spent Sunday morning packing up all of the drinks, presents and overnight things we would need for New Year’s Eve away from home. We hit the road at around 4.30 and the entire drive we got absolutely hosed on. The rain came down so heavily at one point that the wipers couldn’t keep up. We arrived an hour later, well before the rest of the guests were due and settled down on the couch. My mom had made another amazing buffet spread and we sat in the living room enjoying all the little bits and bites and listening to the radio while we chatted about all sorts of things. The rest didn’t arrive until around 10pm and then, with 8 extra people, we got ready to ring in the new year.

At midnight Dan and I exchanged last year’s chaste kiss with a proper one and then headed outside to watch Ede light up the sky with a ridiculous amount of fireworks. Thankfully the rain had stopped and the temperature was quite mild. My 10 year old niece had a blast with her kiddie fireworks and safety goggles and it was fun to watch everyone in the street happily wish each other all the best in the new year.

With my sister Jenn

When things started to die down, Dan and I walked the dogs one more time (in the rain) and then made our beds on the couch with the dogs. This time, instead of our feet meeting at the corner point, our heads did, and we got to hold hands while we slept. It was the perfect way for us to welcome in the new year, with all of the new adventures and plans we’ve already made for it. We’d come full circle and many things were the same but so many things were different.

I’m unsure if I’ll continue my monthly updates of our long distance relationship on my blog. There’s a real danger of it becoming repetitive but there’s also the journey towards moving in together which might be interesting to put to paper (you know what I mean). I’ll have to give it a think.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about our first year together, in any case. It’s been fun to write and the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive.

All the best in 2018. I hope it brings you health, happiness and love.

xJI

A Year of Dan & Jo: January // February // March // April // May // June // July // August // September // October // November x

 

 

A Year of Dan & Jo: November

At the risk of getting repetitive, November saw us going to yet another wedding and, again, it was absolutely wonderful. I know, I know, play a new record, right? Sorry, November was (mostly) magical and I’m going to tell you about it.

… by starting with how Dan made me sick during our visit in October. As you may remember I got a nasty head cold (from him) in October and I took it home with me. The Monday and Tuesday after I got back were not my best days at work and by the end of the week I called in sick. There is only so much snot you can handle while still effectively teaching teenagers and I had reached saturation (no pun intended) point.

Thankfully a few days of proper rest had me right as rain again and by the time the 17th rolled around I was fighting fit and ready to fly to the UK for yet another wedding. Dan hadn’t been feeling that great for a few days with an upset tummy but he wasn’t Man Sick™ so after a morning taking it easy in bed he was ready to pick me up from the airport and drive us to Scotland for Jonny and Vicky’s wedding.

It was a long drive in the dark but we had some good tunes on the radio and he likes it when I sing along. At one point Paul Simon’s “Call Me Al” came on and I happen to know all the words which he thought was delightful. Then we drove past Gretna Green and he joked about it. I didn’t get the reference (I could get my UK citizenship revoked for such ignorance so keep it to yourself) and he explained about it being famous as a place for runaway weddings. I said “Why the hell would anyone want to do that?!” to which he replied, “I proper love you.” The couple that refuses to marry together, stays together. Hahaha.

We had to drive a few circuits of tiny Moffat before we actually found our bed and breakfast but once we were in we dumped our stuff in our seriously cute little room and then headed out to the castle for the First Evening events. It is important to note that the wedding itself wasn’t until the next afternoon but Friday evening had a family and friends buffet and drinks event and we were already late arriving at Auchen Castle.

Once we got there, though, it was like being dropped into a warm and familiar blanket. I had already met all of Dan’s friends at the previous wedding and as a result I got greeted like I’d always been one of the crew.  I was not only welcomed by Dan’s friends but also parents and work mates (of the groom’s!) who’d already heard about me. It was an absolutely wonderful way to get brought in again.

Since we arrived in the dark, we didn’t get to see much of the castle except for the ridiculous speed bumps so our first impressions were of the inside (cozy, Christmas trees and full armour and crests scattered about). The little bar area was already pleasantly full of people enjoying a drink and a laugh. In our little corner we ended up playing a drinking game that involved being able to hum the theme of Superman, Indiana Jones and Star Wars. I’ll wait while you do that and a) realise you can’t quite get them all and b) the ones you do get sound very much alike. That would be the main premise of the game, let the fun begin! And fun it was. None of us made it too late because we had to be wedding guests the next day and Dan and I headed back to our super cute and adorable bed and breakfast in Moffat (the rest were all staying at the castle).

The next day Dan had to get up before me because he had to be at the castle first for the Gentlemen’s Breakfast at 8.30. The ladies wouldn’t be eating until 9.15 which suited me just fine as it meant I got a bit of a lie in. Dan came to pick me up after he was finished, drove me to the castle and then spent my breakfast time with his brother and Ste so he wouldn’t be driving  back and forth.

Now, I don’t know whose idea it was to let the men eat first but by the time the ladies got a go of it there was very little left to be had! We had to go on a treasure hunt for tea, butter, toast and … well, everything! At first there was juice but no glasses to pour it in and then there were glasses but all the juice had disappeared! Thankfully everyone there took it as an opportunity for a laugh instead of anything to get really upset about and the younger girls, dressed in onesies, were more than happy to go hunting for food for us.

The ceremony itself wasn’t until 2pm so we had quite a bit of time to kill and several people ventured onto the castle grounds to have a bit of a poke about. Sadly, since it had rained earlier, most of the grounds had been reduced to mud so we didn’t get far.

It looks really lovely but you’ll sink to your knees in mud. Welcome to Scotland.

We quickly gave up and a bunch of us went to find a cafe in Moffat where we had tea and scones (and were the youngest people in the cafe) and gave the panini with haggis and mozzarella a miss (I am not making that menu item up). Then we headed back to our rooms and got our glad rags on for the ceremony.

All gussied up we met back up in the little bar at the castle and waited for the signal to assemble for the ceremony. The signal wasn’t hard to miss; it was a piper. Apparently booking a wedding at castle in Scotland comes complete with bagpipes, whether you want them or not! They were nice and loud. Very, very loud.

Chrissy is glad he’s not the groom this time

That piper

The ceremony itself was lovely. I didn’t hear much of it but there was an owl ring bearer and lots more bagpipes. Jonny and Vicky both looked absolutely gorgeous and it didn’t take long before the whole thing was done. If you consider just how much time and planning (and money) goes into these things it almost seems like they forgot a bit when the ceremony is a short one. Don’t get me wrong, it really did not need to be longer, it’s just always such a fleeting part of the day when you consider it’s what we all came for.

Owl brings rings

The only picture of Dan & I from this wedding

The dinner and speeches and party after were all fun. I have never seen every single speech giver heckled before at a wedding but they all got roasted and the most roasting came from the rest of the main table! Clearly both families very much loved each other but man were they harsh!

Dan and I finally got a slow dance together and I’m just going to pretend it was a better song than Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” because there’s a string of lyrics that just annoy me and they would have been so simple to fix. [Okay, here it is: he did not have to sing “dancing in the dark with you between my arms“, he did not. It conjures up the image of him standing there with his arms sticking straight out in front of  him and her standing, literally, between them. No touching, not romantic. Just weird and awkward. And all he had to do to fix it was say “with you there in my arms” or even “right in my arms”. I mean, really, it’s lazy writing and it’s right up there with Niall Horan’s weird lyrics about dirty laundry. I mean, what the what?! Okay, I’m done. Back to the story.] Dan had clearly never slow danced before because his feet were all over the place and even a simple two-step was confounding him. So, after a brief lesson that may have involved me kicking his feet (lovingly, of course), we shuffled along amiably and I may or may not have made fun of the song lyrics because I am romantic like that.

At some point there were fireworks and they were very pretty. I think it was after dinner but I’m not entirely sure anymore. In any case we all went outside to Ooooh and Aaaah over the pretty sparkly bangs.

Dan still wasn’t feeling 100% so we didn’t stay very late. Instead we headed back to our adorable little B&B and took advantage of the romantic ambiance. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Sunday morning was a bit of a repeat of Saturday but with one crucial difference: everyone was eating at the same time. Sort of. Most people came down for breakfast but there were a few who simply didn’t make it due to having had a little too much fun the night before. Dan still wasn’t feeling very into food but Gosia, Bainsey, Freddie (their son) and I gladly tucked in, without having to go in search of the essentials this time.

After making sure we’d said our goodbyes to everyone we got into the car and drove back to Dan’s place. My flight wasn’t until the evening and we had more time than we thought so decided that spending it at home with his mom was the best way forward. Also, it meant I got to see her when I wasn’t expecting to.

Our goodbyes weren’t awful because we knew we’d be seeing each other again the next weekend. Which was a really, really fun thought.

The next day at work, after lunch, I started feeling really ill. Struggled through my next lesson and then, as soon as the kids had left the classroom, I ran to the nearest loo and threw up. Sent my last class home and then went home myself and stayed there for the next three days. It seems I had caught whatever Dan was carrying around at the wedding and got it way worse than he’d had it. Much like the cold he generously gave me at the beginning of the month. Was mostly human again by Friday and went to work before picking Dan up at the airport. I warned him that if he so much as sneezed he was sleeping in the guest room.

We ordered in and started watching The Sinner together. Then we had an early night. On Saturday we went into town to get my niece a birthday present and we had lunch at the Brabantse Aap. We headed home after and got the place tidied up for my family coming over to visit. My sister, her partner and my parents were coming over for dinner and a visit. Since I usually drive out to them they thought it would be sweet to come out to see us this time. They really wanted to see Dan but also understood that it was a big ask for us to drive out to see them when he was only here for 48 hours. It was a lovely visit, really laid back. My sister and I walked the dogs and we got take out from Dan’s favourite place downstairs.

On Dan’s last day we went back into town to meet up with my work friend Edwin for lunch at Café Walem. Good food and good conversation always make for a fun time.

We didn’t do much besides sleep and cuddle when we got back and tried to ignore the clock ticking away the minutes until he had to leave again.  Our last wait was less than a week, now we would have to wait just under a month. We both knew this would not be an easy goodbye and it wasn’t. This time there was no group of English guys walking by having a laugh at our expense but that didn’t really make the experience any different. It sucked and I didn’t fancy the idea of the next four weeks without him.

We were a month shy of the first day we met and we’d seen each other exactly 67 days in the meantime and spoken to each other every day from January 8th with the exception of the days his phone died when he was at a festival.

We wouldn’t see each other until a few days before the anniversary of our first meeting. At time of writing, I have four sleeps left until I see him again and it’s eight days until New Year’s Eve. Full circle is very close.

(… to be continued …) xJI

Also in this series: January // February // March // April // May // June // July // August // September // October

 

 

 

A Year of Dan & Jo: October

October was very exciting for me because I got invited to a wedding and I’d never even met the bride or the groom. I got the invite from Dan’s best friend Chrissy and the wedding was right at the beginning of the month.

I took Friday off of work for the wedding and flew to England on Thursday before, right after my last class. All morning flights to Durham had been cancelled due to weather conditions so I was pretty nervous about whether or not my flight would even happen. In the end there weren’t even delays and I was on my way to a weekend of dressing up and celebrating.

Dan picked me up on his way home from work so we could have a few hours together before he had to set off to do best man duties. From what he understood he was meant to help Chrissy through his last night of singledom and, as the joke went, make sure he got to the altar the next day in relatively good shape. We cuddled up in bed and Dan was very reluctant to leave. I would be spending the night in his bed, without him, and driving up to the wedding with his mom the next day. It was going to be weird for both of us for me to be in his room without him. As it got later and later, Chrissy sent more and more messages asking where he was. Dan did a few more dramatic sighs, dragged his feet some more but eventually got out the door and on his way for the hour drive to get to the venue. I spent some time hanging out with his mom before heading to bed and once Dan got there he messaged to let me know there were loads of other guys there and they weren’t even expecting him to show up anymore.

I should probably mention here that Dan is not a fan of weddings. Or wearing suits. Or wearing suits at weddings. Or giving speeches. In a suit. Basically the next day was his version of waking hell and he was grumpy about it. I, on the other hand, was delighted. I love dressing up and seeing other people all dressed up and Dan in a three piece suit was pretty much my hotness ideal (I was not wrong). I was also going to be hanging out with his friends and meeting all the ones I hadn’t met yet. I am not interested in tying the knot myself  but I am more than happy to watch other people do it.

The next day Dan’s mom went to get her hair done and I did battle with mine. Spent nearly an hour straightening it and the wave was already fighting back before we even got in the car. I did manage to work a fascinator into the look, though, so I was quite pleased.

Some pesky road works meant that we went off in the wrong direction and arrived later than we meant to. We still got there in plenty of time due to the sheer brilliance of asking people to show up over an hour before anything got started. We went round to the groom’s little guest house and I met Chrissy who was never in any danger of not showing up for his own wedding. He looked nervous but happy. Dan’s brother and friend Ste had also arrived by that time and we headed to the main building where the other guests were. That’s where I met Jonny and Vicky just as they were walking in. And not long after that I met Bainsey’s wife Gosia.

Waiting for the fun to begin. L-R: Ste, me, Jonny, Vicky & Bainsey

We got called into the hall for the ceremony and found ourselves some seats together in the middle. Dan looked like he was the one with his head on the chopping block and his mom and I both had a little giggle about that. Sarah, the bride, looked gorgeous in a 1950s style dress and the bridesmaids all wore black, floor length gowns. The ceremony itself was non-denominational and short and well punctuated by a well-timed “Oh no!!” from one of the kids present (who was watching a cartoon at the time). Made everyone smile and relax a bit more and it’s a story we’ll probably all be telling forever now.

After the ceremony we went outside for a group photo and then spent some time chatting while they turned the hall we’d just had the ceremony in into the hall we would be eating in. We took lots of pictures in the sunshine and had a drink while we waited.

The picture that made social media think *we* got married.

The meal and speeches were lovely and Dan did very well for someone who would have rather cut off a finger. The tables had shots of Jäger for the guys and perfumey gel stuff for the ladies. I got both because Dan doesn’t drink. In the end Dan kept the nice smelly stuff for his room. The Jäger is still in my freezer.

After the food Ste, Bainsey and I went to the hotel we’d be staying at to check us in while the rest stayed behind and waited for the cake and disco to get set up. Apparently Dan’s remaining friends let him know he found himself a good match right after I left. He looked dead pleased when he told me about it when I got back. So score for me with a full-friend approval rating!

There was a fun photo booth and a candy bar at the party after and we found ourselves a table at the back and waited for the songs the guys had sent in for their disco to get played. Chrissy had asked everyone to send in some song requests and the guys all chose pretty obscure ones. In the end the only one that got played was one of Dan’s: Love Shack by the B52’s. Which the other ladies and I danced to. The guys aren’t big dancers.

As the evening wore on we got silly in the photo booth and took prom-themed pictures in front of one of the white curtains. The guys got a pretty decent group shot, too. Vicky and I hit it off really well and she said it would be lovely if I could make it to her and Jonny’s wedding in November. I said I’d love to and would definitely see if I could make it.

I faded pretty fast waiting for more food, though, and Dan and I called it a night fairly early. We went back to the hotel where I finally got my hands on the handsome guy in the three piece suit. 😉 Which was a lot of fun.

Mr. Hot Stuff

The following morning we decided to go to brunch with the others staying at our hotel: Bainsey, Gosia, Ste and Nicky. We went to the Conservatory at the Hartlepool marina and I got my favourite: a full English breakfast. It was nice to hang out with them again and to get to know Gosia better. It really made me want to make an effort to be at Jonny and Vicky’s wedding to hang out with them again.

After brunch Dan and I went back to his place and watched Moonlight. It wasn’t a great stream and kept getting stuck which made Dan grump and sulk until I made it a game to kiss until it came back. Which ended up making him grump and huff if it sorted itself out too quickly.

Since we had the house to ourselves we also decided to have a bubble bath together just like they do in the movies. We both pretty much figured it would be a big, messy disaster, largely uncomfortable and not sexy at all. We were pleasantly surprised. We got candles and nice smelling bubble gunk and managed to squish ourselves in, only slopping a little water over the side. I think it’s the longest I have ever spent in a bath because I absolutely do not have the patience for that crap normally. This was very fun, though, and it was a whole new kind of intimate.

Sadly I had to fly home again the next day and I had an early flight as that was all that was left when I booked for the wedding. After breakfast together we headed to the airport and, deflated, I went home. This good bye wasn’t too awful, though, because I was coming back to see Dan in my fall break in just under three weeks.

I decided not to go for my entire break because I had been leaving my dogs behind with a good friend of mine a lot this year and felt like I was neglecting them a bit. Add to that the fact that Dan wasn’t getting any time off from work and it meant I would have been spending most of my time waiting for him to come home. So I booked my flight from Wednesday to Sunday and would be arriving at our favourite time slot which meant Dan could pick me up on the way home from work.

It was a bit of a mixed bag visit when I went over. Lots of familiar hanging around, making myself at home while the rest were at work, walking to Asda to buy “stuff and things” and eating all of my favourite comfort foods. By Friday, though, it seemed I had caught the cold Dan had been fighting off earlier in the week and it hit me pretty hard. I had a runny nose and was sneezing all the time. Slept quite badly and couldn’t get comfortable in any measurable way. We had a date night on Friday and my intention was to make it really sexy and fun when we got home but snot and sexy do not make a great team so it turned into an early night and me trying desperately to breathe through my terribly raw nose.

The next morning I was feeling quite a bit more human and Dan made me breakfast. We decided to venture out to Verrill’s for the best fish and chips in the area but, sadly, it didn’t seem to be open so we went for the second best fish and chips. I also got my picture taken with Andy Capp. Once we got home we did some pumpkin carving. I scooped the guts and Dan did the artistic part. The turned out pretty darn cute.

After a full day I was pretty wiped out again so we crawled back into bed and watched Stranger Things 2. If memory serves, I had a good sleep that night and my cold seemed to be dying down.

Sunday was a lovely, lazy day with lots of cuddles and food. Dan’s brother came over and it was all very familiar, emphasis on the family part of familiar. As with every visit, though, the flight home rolled around far too quickly and before I knew it I was waiting for a plane again and this time it was late. Which meant I got home late.

I went to work the next day with a cold that had come back with a vengeance. I managed Tuesday (Halloween) as well but don’t ask me how. Dan and I watched the last few episodes of Stranger Things 2 “together” that night and our trusty “watch Netflix together” app let us down so we had to “press play at the same time” just like in the early days. Which had it’s own charm.

Our visits were spaced out at the beginning and end of the month which made it feel like we were together for most of it, even though we weren’t. I think, after August, October was my favourite month this year.

Until November …

(… to be continued …) xJI

Also in this series: January // February // March // April // May // June // July // August // September

 

A Year of Dan & Jo: August

August was easily my favourite month this year.

I spent the first two weeks of the month in England with Dan and we crammed just about as many things into that short period as humanly possible while navigating around him still having to go to work five days a week.

My friend Jess arrived the day before I was due to leave so she could meet all my pets and get a feel for the neighborhood and routine (my pets are spoiled but they are spoiled by strict schedule). She was going to be a live-in pet sitter while I was away. The next day I had a late flight so I had the whole day to get packed and ready to go and spent most of it wishing I’d booked an earlier flight. That wouldn’t have been possible because Dan was at work all day and wanted to pick me up himself but even he commented that it was a long wait until 10pm to pick me up. We went to bed nearly right away because he had to go to work again the next day.

On my first day as a “stay at home wife” I lazed around in bed and read a book. Not something I get to do often but it was a pretty long day just waiting for him to come back. I did have plans to go out exploring while he was out during the day but didn’t do that on my very first day. By the time 6pm rolled around it was good to have him back, especially knowing that the weekend was getting started.

The first weekend he’d invited his friends over for a BBQ so they could meet me. Not all of them could make it but I did meet his brother, Ste and Bainsey and Bainsey’s son Freddie. It rained a bit (welcome to summer in the North of England) but it was a lot of fun (and a lot of food) and nothing a well-placed portable gazebo couldn’t sort out. It was nice to finally put some faces to people I’d heard so much about.

Sunday was a lovely lazy day. Dan made his mom and I a Sunday roast and we watched lots of TV in the living room. One of the things I really love about visiting Dan is that it’s super easy to spend time with his mom. We hit it off right from the start and it just keeps getting better.

On Monday, while Dan was at work, I ventured out of the house and had a walk along the beach. It was windy and a bit chilly but I love the beach in that kind of weather and it was a great way to keep up with my step count as I tend to let that slide when Dan and I are together, especially when I’m in England and don’t have to walk the dogs. I walked to the supermarket and had a long poke around for “stuff and things”. Supermarkets in other countries are like theme parks. So many products and yummy treats that you just can’t get at home. I walked back home and about halfway through my 45 minute walk back I realised that my shoes were pinching my feet in lots of different places. Ouch! My poor tootsies were on fire by the time I got back so I settled back into bed with my laptop and caught up on Game of Thrones.

Once Dan was back and we’d eaten, we cuddled up and watched Sightseers (2012) together. Dan and I are both shit at choosing what movie to watch so we take turns naming three potential movies and the other one picks one. It’s a system that’s been working quite well for us.

On Tuesday Dan’s mom took the day off work and we went shopping together at the Metro Centre. Wasn’t til we got there that we both realised that neither of us were really keen shoppers so we spent the day window shopping and marvelling at the very odd fashions we saw everywhere. We had a lovely lunch at an Italian restaurant and then went on a mission to find Dan something. We both agreed that he should be easy to shop for as he’s got a very particular look to his clothes (baggy jeans and faded grey band shirts) but his specific “style” actually made it harder to shop for him as there weren’t many shirts that fit the bill. In the end we thought we’d challenge his comfort zone and got him a shirt with brown and black stripes which he really liked. Mostly he liked that we chose it together.

Wednesday night Dan and I had a real life date night instead of a Skype one and we went out to dinner. He wore his new shirt and I wore a striped dress. The waitresses were fascinated by my “American” accent and we ordered way more food than I thought the two of us could eat. We did quite well in the end and Dan rolled me home for an early night tucked into bed and watching Orphan Black together. Helena is Dan’s favourite, Alison is mine.

Dan’s mom loved using me as an excuse to take time off work and on Thursday she took me to Barnard Castle (a place) and Raby Castle (a castle). I took loads of pictures and ate a massive lunch. It was a really gorgeous day and again it was very easy to spend time with her. We popped into a little antique store and also had a coffee before heading back home.

Once home it was time to start packing up for a little camping trip that Dan and I would be leaving on the next day after he was finished work. We would be spending exactly two nights at the campsite and took enough stuff to keep us comfy for about a week. We packed up the car as soon as he got home and then drove the two hours to Ullswater where our lakeside campsite was. By the time we arrived it was already quite dark and we still had to find a spot for, and set up, our tent. Thankfully it was a pretty simple (huge) tent to set up and before long we were setting up “home” inside only to discover that we’d forgotten the air mattress valve and so it refused to be anything but flat as a pancake. It was not a really comfortable first night but that couldn’t suppress our sense of fun and adventure.

The next morning we spent quite a long time in “bed” (aka the ground) as it was raining outside and not exactly inviting weather for exploring. Eventually that settled down and we went to the campsite store to buy a new air mattress and Dan cooked us breakfast. Fortified with food and encouraged by sunshine we ventured out for a walk along the lakeside and to see if we could find the top of one of the nearby hills. There were lots and lots of lovely dogs for me to count at the campsite and we stopped at a pub in the nearby village for lunch. It was delicious and the portion was huge! I did my best but, like with every meal on this trip, it won. We didn’t need much more food that evening and before bed we built a little campfire. It was a lovely way to end the day before snuggling to sleep on our brand new, fully inflated mattress.

Sunday morning saw us taking our time with breakfast and packing up. Dan is super organised and I am not but thanks to some pretty slick teamwork we were packed up in no time and ready to hit the road. I could have easily spent a week at that campsite and not just because we were decked out with all the comforts of home but because it was a beautiful area and we didn’t get close to seeing even a fraction of it. I heard from a lot of people that you really get to know someone when you share a tent with them but I think this trip showed that we knew each other quite well before we even set up the first pole. There were no surprises for me and it was just as easy as every other aspect of our relationship had been up to that point. Even so, it was lovely to be back at his place again and cuddled up in a real bed.

My last couple of days in England were a bit dull during the day. Dan was back at work and I really didn’t feel like walking 45 minutes to the supermarket again, no matter how fun it was to walk on the beach. I was also sulking in advance because my return flight was approaching at alarming speed and I didn’t want to leave yet.

Dan and I went on another date and we watched more Orphan Black together. We also watched Their Finest (2016). After all of our adventures this trip our last few days were spent just being together without too many distractions. It was a good balance and would set the tone for how we rounded off most of our following visits.

On Thursday morning Dan dropped me off at the airport before he headed to work. We couldn’t make our goodbyes very long as he had to leave to be on time which made it both easier and harder. I hate that part of our visits. The flight home was uneventful and it was a good thing there were some ridiculously cute pets waiting for me at home that were over the moon that I was back because doggy cuddles and cat head butts were the only thing that could cheer me up. I sulked for a few days and then made sure I planned a lot of activities to keep my mind off not having Dan with me.

Dan and I planned a couple of Skype date nights for the end of August and I learned that there’s a pill you can take to delay your period for up to eleven days (Primolut). This was going to be very handy for Dan’s visit the following month as my period tracker app told me his visit would be smack in the middle of my next shark week. The things you learn to deal with when you have limited time to be with your person. It’s certainly been an educational year so far.

Having done so many wonderful things together in August made the wait for our next 48 hour visit in September more bearable. Looking back on our two weeks together still makes me smile. I can’t wait to go on more camping trips together.

(… to be continued …) JIx

Also in this series:  January // February // March // April // May // June // July

A Year of Dan & Jo: July

By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me.

Mid-June to early August was going to be visit-free for us which means that July was going to be a long and frustrating month with nothing but a 48 hour visit in June to keep us going.

The school year was drawing closer to an end and I was very much at the end of my tether there which made it harder to be away from the one person who always knows how to calm me down (without ever actually using the words “calm down”) and make me feel utterly content just by being around.

Dan and I spent a lot of time in July making future plans. We wanted to rent a cottage somewhere in the middle of nowhere and pretend we were alone in the world. He wanted to bring me to one of his favourite festivals. Wouldn’t it be fun if I could go to his friends’ weddings? His dad asked if he was ever going to meet me. We made new plans for New Year’s Eve. It was not only an important distraction but also an affirmation that we were both committed to a future together.

I distracted myself with a few social engagements but there was a four day school trip coming up that I really wasn’t looking forward to which meant I was grumpy and short most of the time. Leading up to it I told him all about the different activities we would be doing but I also spent a fair amount of time simply repeating that I didn’t want to go. Must have been super frustrating for him but instead of telling me to buck up and get on with it he just let me be a sourpuss. In the end I survived it thanks to daily contact with Dan who was cheering me on from across the channel and asking for picture updates from the Belgian Ardennes. I sent him sexy shots of my shorts and hiking boots combo, the horses at the farm next door and a really hot picture of me in a kayak. Thank goodness for the EU and its new roaming laws which meant it didn’t cost me an arm and a leg to use my own phone subscription in Belgium! I even ended up having fun, much to my surprise.

I know how to turn a guy on

The week after my school trip was my last full week at work and also the week that Dan went to Benidorm with his friends for a stag weekend. He regaled me with horror stories from what I can only imagine is the cesspool of civilisation while I sat in on meetings and teacher study days. He told me there was karaoke, sun, loud English tourists, alcohol poisoning and even some sun stroke thrown in for good measure. None of it was his which was a relief. Oh, and one of the guys wasn’t allowed on the flight back home because he was too drunk/sick looking. Sounds like a really great time. Dan doesn’t drink so he was able to send up to the minute updates on events. Including a conversation had on his balcony with the ladies on the neighbouring balcony about how they didn’t dare go out at night, even together, because it was so scary. Good times. Let’s just say I’m not in a hurry to get to Benidorm any time soon.

The weekend after he went to a festival and told me all about the rain and mud and how it would have been way more fun if I had been there. He couldn’t message much because the reception was dismal but we still managed our good mornings and good nights.

He sent me this picture from the festival. Just look at how happy he is. 🙂

Until his phone battery and powerbanks were empty and then we experienced our first ever completely contact-free 24 hours. He managed to send a few last messages telling me he’d borrowed a powerbank from some girls camping near him but his (super ancient) phone was just about to give up. Then there was nothing for over 24 hours. It was really weird and not something I would like to repeat any time soon. It was very lonely and quiet without his message ding and I didn’t know how to fall asleep without his “Night night beautiful x”.

Thankfully I wouldn’t have to wait much longer to hear him say it out loud. With July coming to a close we only had three more days to wait until our two week summer holiday together and Dan quickly ordered himself a brand new phone because he couldn’t stand not being able to get in touch with me. [Honestly, though, I can’t believe that iPhone 4 even worked at all anymore; who still has one of those old bricks?]

July was the second, and last, time this year that we wouldn’t see each other for over a month. I know there are lots of LDR couples who go much longer without seeing each other and I feel for you guys, I really do. If you hardened pros have any tips for us amateurs, please leave them in the comments, they’d be greatly appreciated.

( … to be continued … ) xJI

Also in this series: January // February // March // April // May // June

 

A Year of Dan & Jo: June

June started with a post-op* check up to make sure I was healing properly from my surgery and to answer any questions I might still have. My scars weren’t looking as good as the surgeon would have liked and he seemed skeptical when I told him I had not, in fact, been tanning my lady garden (“Those scars need to be kept out of the sun!” “Uh, that part of my anatomy never sees the sun, believe me”) and that I was just someone who kept angry red scars around for a really long time and then they just healed up to nearly nothing. He told me to stop getting my scars in the sun (yay for medical professionals listening to women) and then informed me that they had needed to use a “manipulator” to move my uterus during the procedure and that’s why I’d had the period from hell. All future periods should be back to normal. A little heads up beforehand would have been nice. Ho hum.

Keeping busy while I waited for Dan to arrive was quite easy as I had a few concerts, theatre visits and dinners to go to. The weather was really hot and muggy which meant it was easy to get friends out of the house to join you for a drink on one of Amsterdam’s many terraces. After four whole weeks of waiting, I really needed the distraction of social gatherings which is saying quite a lot as I am a card-carrying introvert and would normally rather stay home where it’s just me and the pets. I really wanted Dan to be here.

In June, however, all we got was 48 hours. Nearly to the minute.

He arrived on Friday evening at around 7pm and I went to pick him up at the airport. I remember I wore a cute little skirt and top with adorable, though hugely impractical, little shoes and I spent ages on my hair and makeup. I had to look just right. Once I got to the airport I bought his train ticket before I went to the arrivals terminal so we wouldn’t  have to wait in line and could walk straight through to the train (every second counts, right?). Schiphol Airport has this lovely (sarcasm) quirk where if you’ve only got hand luggage there is a good chance you will come out of a different arrivals terminal than the information board says you will. Which is why I was standing at Arrivals 2 waiting for Dan and he came out of Arrivals 1. After a quick exchange of “where are you?” texts we met in the middle and I couldn’t squeeze him tight enough. We stood there grinning at each other for a silly amount of time and I could feel my cheeks starting to hurt from smiling so much. I can’t describe how good that feeling is.

I wish I could tell you exactly what we got up to and I’m not even trying to be funny about that. My journal entry isn’t any more helpful than “Couldn’t wait to get him back home. Feels so amazing to have him here.” Which tells you exactly nothing but says everything.

We might have watched Orphan Black. Or not. Maybe we even put on a movie. I don’t think so, though. We walked the dogs together and we definitely spent a lot of time in bed and we definitely slept in. He was here and that was all that mattered.

On Saturday we drove to Ede to have dinner with my parents. This is significant because the whole visit, which includes an hour’s drive there and an hour back, took about six hours out of our 48 hour visit and it shows how cool Dan is that he agreed to it but also how much my parents like him that they asked if we were coming so they could see him again. Luckily Dan also likes my parents and it was a very lovely visit.

How happy do we look?

As soon as Dan and I sat on the couch my Dad got out the camera and started snapping pictures of us. He looked so pleased with himself. He said we looked so happy that he just had to have a picture of it. His enthusiasm was contagious and we spent the whole evening laughing and chatting. It was as though Dan had been there every Saturday dinner of the year so far. In a sense he had, as he was always in my pocket and my family regularly sent a HI DAN! message to him through me. Sometimes it was even a sound bite message, in chorus.

Saturday evening at my rents was fun but faster than I cared to think about, Sunday rolled around and, in a bit of a blind panic, we both tried to cram as much as possible into the few hours we had left.

We caught up on Orphan Black, we had a midday “nap”, we got take out from his favourite place downstairs, we had a long walk with the dogs and then, inevitably, the time to head back to the airport rolled around.

A sunny walk

My boys

Dan gathered up all his things and packed his bag, said goodbye to the animals and we headed to the train that would take us to the plane. I could tell Dan was having a really hard time this time and, in a rare role reversal, I was the one trying to be cheery and distract him. I think I did really well putting a brave face on it until the Kiss and Fly point at Departures. I didn’t think I’d be able to let go of him and then I realised he was crying onto my shoulder and then I couldn’t keep it dry anymore, either. As luck, and comedic timing, would have it, a rather large group of British guys walked by just as I lifted my head to sniffle and, in chorus, they all said “Aw, she’s crying! How romantic!” Dan just buried his head in my shoulder a bit more and kept his back to them.

I don’t know how long we stood there being everyone’s Sad Couple Saying Goodbye At The Airport but eventually we had to let go and he had to head to his gate. After the See You Soons” (lies, we wouldn’t see each other again until August) and the Take Cares and the I Had Such A Wonderful Times, I said “I love you” and he said “I love you, too”. It was the first time we’d said it out loud.

He looked utterly miserable as he headed through the gate and towards security and I followed him along for as long as possible, giving him my biggest smile and a wave as he turned the corner and out of sight.

As soon as he was through security we were texting each other again and we quickly agreed that 48 hours seemed almost cruel after the three weeks we’d had before. The long wait between visits was also very hard and it just seemed to be getting harder. He freely admitted that he was a bit of a mess and that this goodbye was hitting him harder than he expected. I felt the same way. I felt cheated and at the same time like I hadn’t fully appreciated every second of our time together.

48 hours is not a lot of time at all.

Knowing that I wouldn’t see Dan again until August, I decided to apply the method that had worked so well for the beginning of the month: cram as many social engagements as possible into the time between visits and hope the distraction works. And so it was that there were many more dinners, ballets, prom night, crafternoons, art exhibitions, a gin party with my feminist group, lunches and whatever time I couldn’t fill up with fun social things, I filled up with work.

In the meantime every day started with a “Good morning, sunshine” and ended with a “Night night, handsome” and with lots of messages in between. Knowing how difficult May had been without even a 48 hour visit, I couldn’t bear the thought of doing it all again in July. We would have to, though, because Dan’s vacation days were almost all booked up to the end of the year and my summer vacation didn’t start until the end of July. Even if we’d had the money, there simply wasn’t any time for another visit, short or otherwise.

Despite how difficult the time apart was and how hard the goodbyes were getting, we were settling into a steady and familiar rhythm. July was not going to be easy but we’d made it over the halfway mark of 2017, we’d been an official couple for nearly four months and we had some very solid plans for the summer. The little ding on my phone that is his personal notification alert still made me smile every time I heard it and I was still happier than I’d been in a long time. As challenging as the distance was, this relationship wasn’t going anywhere but up.

(… to be continued …) xJI

Also in this series:  January // February // March // April // May
* Adventures in Baby-Quitting

A Year of Dan & Jo: April

April was a big month for us. We had our longest visit together to date, I had surgery, we traveled together and I celebrated my 40th birthday.

We had a bit of a nasty shock at the beginning of the month when his mom got into a car accident. Her car was hit by a runaway horse cart (the horse broke loose and the cart barrelled into her car). Thankfully she was fine but her car was a total loss which left them without one of the two cars they relied on. Normally not a problem but since Dan had left it a *teensy* bit late to renew his passport, it meant that he didn’t have his own car to drive up to the consulate to get it done. Which put a pretty massive strain on our timeline. He was flying out for my birthday on the 13th and, even getting a rush job on it, he was cutting it pretty close. He had to drive out to put in the rush application and drive back to get the actual passport but he could only do that on days that his mom didn’t need his car to get around for work. It was very frustrating watching time tick by and relying on everything going perfectly when it had to. In the end, he got his new passport, in hand, on April 10th.

I had been planning a huge birthday party for years because I wanted to celebrate my 40th in style. I wanted a theme and a venue and catering and a bar and I wanted as many people as could make it to be there. In the end the whole planning thing stressed me out so much that I ditched almost all of my big plans and just invited everyone who wanted to to join me at an Irish pub in the city centre. Some of my lovely friends even flew in from other countries to be there despite the fact that there wasn’t a big, organised happening, so it looked like all my worrying was for nothing.

Dan landed on the 13th while I was at work and he spent the day in the city and then walked to my place from there to meet me when I arrived home. It was the longest day ever at work because all I wanted to do was see Dan. Knowing he was so close and I had to wait was trying, to say the least. It was his first time back since New Year’s Eve and we had the place to ourselves. Driving into the parking lot and seeing him standing there made me happier than I can put into words.

After we walked the dogs (a task that would be all his after my surgery) we headed upstairs to have a “nice, quiet evening”. I’m not lying when I say we had every intention of watching TV (or a movie, I forget) but then we started kissing and before you knew it items of clothing were flying about and, as a result, my couch has stories that would make you blush. Then we got ready for bed and picked up where we left off. 😉

Waking up with Dan in my bed the next day was amazing. Even knowing I had to go to work, it was lovely to have him there and to know he would be there when I got home again. It was such a familiar and comfortable feeling. Thankfully I didn’t have a long day at work which meant I was home at a decent time and we had some time together before we were due to head out for our first social engagement together. We had dinner plans with other people. Some of my friends who had come in from other countries especially for my birthday party the next day were meeting us for dinner at one of my favourite little “best kept secrets in plain sight” restaurants and it was lovely. Dan did well being the only guy, too. Larissa, Claudia and Sara refrained from putting him in front of the Question Firing Squad (trademark pending) which meant we had a delicious meal and Dan would know more than a couple of people at my party the next evening.

I don’t remember what we did Saturday morning but I know it must have involved staying in bed for as long as possible, walking the dogs and taking it pretty easy before we were due to head out for all of the festivities. My parents, nieces and my Auntie Gay, who had travelled in from England, were taking the train to Amsterdam to have dinner with Dan and I before the party started so we met them at Central Station and walked to the Irish pub together. I was really pleased that my parents had already met Dan and liked him that past January which meant the pressure of “meeting the parents” was off. Now he was also meeting my nieces and one of my parents’ oldest friends and it really felt like he was one of the family. Auntie Gay has known me my whole life and she’s marked all by milestones with me. It was very important that she meet him.

Playing tourist while waiting for my family to arrive

Dinner was simple but fun and it was in the same pub that the party was going to be in so there was no rush to leave for another venue. The party itself was a blur. What I had hoped – my friends from different areas of my life getting together and having a good time together – happened, but I didn’t get to talk to nearly everyone on the night which was a shame. The time seemed to fly by and my cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling. I had told everyone not to bother with gifts, as them being there would be gift enough, but the silly beggars went and brought me armfuls of truly thoughtful and lovely presents and I got well and truly spoiled.

Dan found himself a comfy corner with my family and my friends from the night before and found himself the subject of much curiosity. There seemed to be a musical chairs of other friends taking the seat next to him and wanting to get to know the “guy that got Jo to change her mind about relationships”. He was told in every conceivable way that everyone was hoping I would find someone special some day but they weren’t holding their breath anymore. “So, this is the Dan” was a frequent exclamation that night. He took it all in his stride and seemed happy to answer any questions levelled at him while also being content to watch me be a social butterfly.

By the time everything had wound down and the two of us piled into a taxi with all my birthday spoils I could happily say I’d had an amazing birthday.

The next day we had a super lazy day, ordered in food and binge watched Orphan Black, which I had already seen but we’d started from the beginning so that we could watch the last season “together” when it came out later in the year.  It was the best possible way to spend the day after so much activity the day (and night ;)) before. We did more or less the same thing the day after on Easter Monday which made for a lovely long weekend before my one day of work before my surgery.

I’ve written at length about my surgery here so I won’t do all of those details again but I do want to note that I was really glad to have Dan there with me and I was especially grateful that he was so patient with me when I was more than a bit horrible and grumpy and short with him leading up to my big day under the knife. I was very nervous (only stitches I’ve ever had were for removed wisdom teeth and I’d never been under general anaesthetic before) and I took it out on him. He was a star and stayed so patient with me. Most of the time he pretended like I wasn’t even being awful but I know I was and I really, truly appreciated him being there and taking all of it on the chin. More so the next day when he drove me to the hospital on the wrong side of the car and the road and stayed with me and my grumpy self until it was time for me to get ready (and wait). It was lovely to see him come back in the room after my surgery as well and I knew I had a keeper when he told my green-faced, half-drugged, droopy self that I looked gorgeous. He made the whole thing so much easier to get through.

He was even more amazing in the days following my surgery when I couldn’t do much but squeak in pain every time I moved. We had set up the fold out couch in the living room so that I could get in and out of bed easier (the frame of my bed had, er, broken mysteriously a few nights before and the whole end of the bed was sagging down) and I would be closer to the bathroom if we were sleeping in the living room. He got me drinks and snacks, he walked the dogs and he generally made sure I was comfortable in every possible way. We cuddled up and watched more Orphan Black and I crocheted a bit between naps. I slept a lot in the first two days and I could do that without a care in the world knowing he was nearby and taking care of my fur faces.

Dan and Alfie, a classic bromance

By the third day after my surgery I was ready to leave the house and we had a date night using a restaurant coupon I got from a lovely colleague for my birthday. We went to a cute little Italian restaurant in the city center and, even though I was still pretty sore, I made it into and out of town in one piece and we had a lovely time. It was nice to be out at a restaurant, playing at being grown ups in a relationship. It was even lovelier walking through the city with the setting sun making everything warmer and more magical.

The next few days were spent on short visits to my family and friends. On Sunday we went to my parents’ house for dinner and my whole family was there (my parents, sister, her kids and her boyfriend). My mom made an impromptu buffet and we had a lovely time with my whole family in the same place instead of in smaller groups at a time. Then on Monday, the first day of my holiday, we went to visit my friend Emma and her little boy Zeph and then we went to my friend and colleague Edwin to drop off my dogs for their visit with him while I went off to England for a week. Even including my very busy birthday, Dan still wasn’t even close to meeting all of my Amsterdam friends yet but we’d made a very good start. While we’d been spending most of our time meeting people and seeing my favourite places, all new things for him, it still felt like he’d always been here and it was the most natural way for us to be.

My favourite trip to England was the one we took the next day when we got to travel there together. The singular fun there is in packing together and looking forward to something together made that silly little one hour flight over the channel very special. We got to the airport really early because there had been warnings about long lines and wait times and we ended up tripping through security in under five minutes which meant we had a lot of time to kill on the other side. And then on top of that, our flight got delayed by about half an hour. The flight itself was uneventful and when we arrived his mother was waiting for us, ready to show off her new car. Having only seen her for a few hours on my previous trip I was unsure how the hello would go but I needn’t have worried. I got a massive hug and a hello and she was very glad to see me again. Once we were back at his place Dan went to get some things from the car and she gave me an even bigger hug than the one I got at the airport and she thanked me for “making her Danny so happy.” You couldn’t wipe the grin off my face with a baseball bat.

Waiting for our delayed flight at Schiphol

We spent a couple of lazy days in bed because my stitches were really bothering me and I was still pretty sore (and had massively overdone it in the last few days for someone who’d just had abdominal surgery). He brought me to Hobby Craft to get yarn and a hook and I started making a big cardigan. We watched movies and slept and it was heavenly. Dan made us fajitas and everything was cozy and domesticated.

Kitchen King

Then, on Thursday, his mother announced that I needed to be shown the sights and Dan had to take me out somewhere nice. We decided on visiting Durham cathedral and having a walk along the water. It was a slow walk, no worries. I had already bought loads of leggings and long shirts because the jeans I had brought with me were rubbing against my stitches something awful. The cathedral was lovely and Durham itself is adorable. We had a lovely lunch after our walk along the water and then came back home to get changed for dinner as his mom was taking us out for a meal. She was adamant that I be shown a good time. Dinner was lovely (another Italian restaurant) and we had a walk along the marina where I got to see the statue of a monkey that got hanged for being a French spy (a story that may or may not have actually happened).

On our walk along the water in Durham.

The next day I was feeling pretty fit so we went to Whitby to visit the abbey and that was amazing! I’d been to Whitby before but hadn’t managed to get to the abbey that time. This time we did and there was even a birds of prey show on. We had a lovely fish and chips lunch at Trenchers and got ice cream and walked along the pier. I counted so many lovely dogs (it’s a thing I do; when I’m away from my dogs I tend to count all of the ones I see each day I’m gone) and even though it was a bit windy and cold we still had a marvellous day.

Whitby Abbey

Then came my last day in England and we spent an hour or two at a car boot sale before heading home to cuddle again. We were going to go catch a movie but decided we wanted to hole up together instead. The reality of my trip home the next day was hitting us and knowing I wouldn’t be seeing him again until June (if we even managed that) was weighing heavily on me. We didn’t talk much, just lay in each others arms on the bed and I cried a little. After spending three weeks together I normally would have been very happy to have some time to myself again but now I couldn’t fathom him not being there when I got home. Not having a countdown to the next visit was going to make it even harder to cope. I needed something to look forward to.

The next day at the airport was miserable. I cried shamelessly and got the shoulder of his hoodie all wet. Standing there, wrapped in his arms with my head on his shoulder I couldn’t seem to make my body turn away from him and walk away. Of course I had to and I miserably made my way to security. Everyone there pretended like they couldn’t tell I’d been crying (how very British of them) and then I cried some more when I was through to the lounge and waiting for my flight. I must have looked a right state but I didn’t care.

The flight home was uneventful and after picking up the dogs at Edwin’s I drove straight through to my parents’ place to spend the night at theirs. I tried very hard to focus on all of the lovely things we’d done in the last three weeks but it was just glaringly obvious that he wasn’t with me anymore and that I really wanted him to be. He fits perfectly and now there’s a big Dan-shaped hole when he’s not there.

Knowing I wouldn’t be seeing him at all in May was a very bitter pill to swallow.  

(… to be continued …) JIx

***

Also in this series: February and March (link to January in the text)

A Year of Dan & Jo: March

March is a month of expectation – Emily Dickinson

Here is the third instalment of my Year of Dan & Jo series. January and February had passed and March was going to be potentially frustrating. I was going to be very near Dan on a school trip to Newcastle (16 hours on a boat with 130 kids for 5 hours in Newcastle only to get back on the boat for a 16 hour return journey; it’s more fun than it sounds) and he was going to meet us there and spend the day with me, my sister (who was coming along as a chaperone) and my students. After having him all to myself for four days in February I did not know how I was going to bear sharing him in a setting that was, essentially, me at work. I was looking forward to seeing him but not looking forward to how limiting and frustrating those five hours would be. I would be responsible for my class of students, their presentations and the other chaperones that were along with my group. I couldn’t exactly play tourist while kissing and canoodling my guy.

As the trip drew ever closer it became clear to me that something else would have to be devised to take the pressure off of that one day. We had been sending each other increasingly naughty texts, stories and pictures and that would make seeing each other but not being able to do much else very difficult. Impulsively I planned a weekend trip to see him and this time we decided to stay at his place. I booked my flight for the weekend before the school trip and flew to Newcastle on a Friday night. When I saw him, I nearly knocked him over right there in the middle of the arrivals hall with the force of my hug. Quite different from our last meeting at an airport. Then we grinned at each other the whole hour’s drive home.

We only just made it up the stairs before the clothes flew in every direction. I’d worn a low-cut, tight dress for the occasion and it had the exact effect I was hoping for. The stockings nearly killed him. We had a lot of fun that night. 😉 Wasn’t until nearly the end of my stay that I realised his bedroom window had been open the whole time and if I could hear the people talking outside then … Oh dear.

We spent Saturday in bed watching movies with a short venture out into the world for food (we really like food). It was reminiscent of our hotel stay only this time we had two beautiful cats for company and all the comforts of home. We built a bed-nest and that’s where we stayed all day. I think I slept through one or two of the movies, wrapped up in his arms like the cat that got the cream. I was not looking forward to going home at all and the time to leave was approaching at speed.

As luck, or fate, would have it, the next morning I was greeted with a message from my airline that my flight had been cancelled due to weather conditions in Amsterdam. No alternative flight or plan was mentioned and I was left wondering how on earth I was going to get home. I was left without answers for the better part of 8 hours. After many attempted phone calls, tweets and emails to the airline, I was informed that I would be flying home the next day, via London. Work was not going to be thrilled about that. Not much I could do about it but, being a teacher, this meant other colleagues would have to substitute for me. On the plus side; I wasn’t going home yet and I got another night with Dan. I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad about that even for a second.

As an added bonus I would also be meeting his mother for the first time as she was returning from a work trip that night. By the time she got home we had managed to get dressed and make our way to the living room. Once we’d been introduced she announced that we should order Chinese food and then she told us all about the project she’d been working on to get more kids, especially girls, into engineering. They’d been taught how to build robots and this weekend had been the culmination of their efforts. We had a great chat about how important it was to show young girls that tech wasn’t just for boys. Solid score with mom.

The next day Dan drove me to Newcastle and I caught my flight to London. I missed my connection and had to wait at Heathrow for ages and it was super late by the time I got home. I was already miserable that I’d had to leave Dan again and this just seemed to make everything even worse. It also felt extra pointless to have to go home considering I would be leaving for Newcastle again on Wednesday, this time with students and colleagues in tow.

At work on Tuesday everyone was curious about my travel adventures and they were all agreed that at least I got another day out of it. Many jokes were made about “doing it on purpose” but it was all in good fun and people seemed genuinely pleased for me. My sister arrived that evening to spend the night at my place before we set off on the boat the next day. More jokes were made about my cancelled flight and she was excited to meet Dan.

The Newcastle trip is part of the advanced English program my school offers, Fast Lane English. It’s a program for motivated and talented students that prepares them for the Cambridge proficiency exam. In the second year the students get an introduction course and we take them to Newcastle as part of their immersion. They prepare “tour guide” presentations of different attractions in Newcastle and are required to speak English for the entire trip. I had a really motivated class this year and they were super excited. Once you leave the harbour, though, you end up on maritime tariffs so using your phone becomes very, very expensive. This meant that Dan and I were on radio silence for the longest we’d ever been since we started chatting in January. It was very odd to have to say good night at 7pm already and then wait until we got close enough to land the next day to pick up a signal again. Thankfully it helped knowing we would be actually seeing each other on the other end.

Once we’d docked and disembarked we took the bus into town and that’s where Dan met us at Theatre Royal. He joined my group and listened to the presentations that the kids did in the morning. He and my sister hit it off right away and she spent the day being our private photographer. She took some of my favourite pictures of the two of us and kept telling us how happy we looked. The three of us went to lunch together and then continued the presentations in the afternoon until it was time for us to head back to the bus and back to the boat.

We managed to be quite well-behaved in the end. My little trip over to see him the weekend before definitely helped. We made the best of our free time at lunch and even managed a little cuddle outside of St Nicholas’ Cathedral while the kids were inside having a look. Still, it was very strange to say goodbye to him in the middle of the street while my school group went one way and he had to go the other way to his car. It was rushed and entirely unsatisfactory and I couldn’t even feel sorry for myself because my class and colleagues were all watching. I had to be in Teacher Mode and there was no time for a pity party. I was really glad to have my sister with me because she did a brilliant job of, firstly, distracting the kids and colleagues and then distracting me. She was an absolute brick.

***

March ended with an appointment to get my tubes tied. Dan and I both feel very strongly that kids are not something we want and I wanted to make sure we wouldn’t accidentally get one. My surgery was scheduled for April. Dan had already been planning to be here for my birthday and it was a simple matter for him to extend his visit in order to take care of me post-op. This would be our longest stay together yet. Two weeks in Amsterdam followed by a week in England.

Would the honeymoon be over if we spent three weeks together? What would we be like if we were actually sharing the same space for longer than a few days and we had to do things other than staying in bed? I was going to need caring for and I would not be at my best. Were we ready for this?

By the end of March we had only officially been together for a month and a half. We had only known each other for three months. We had spent exactly 11 actual days together if you counted his stay at New Years. Was this madness? We were going to find out.

( … to be continued …) xJI

 

Accidentally In Love

When you spend twelve years fiercely embracing singledom and you’re fairly convinced there’s no one out there who will ever meet your very specific needs in a relationship, it is hugely surreal when you find yourself doing all the things you loudly proclaimed you’d never do. And you’re grinning like you’ve been hit with fairy dust for all of it.

I’m still not entirely sure what’s come over me or how it started, really. Unlike him (thunderstruck from first sight apparently) it was a much slower burn for me. I even dreamt about him the first night after I met him and still didn’t see it coming or think anything of it.

There’s a whole slew of things happening that I never thought I would actually do without irony or sarcasm involved.

Spooning
I do not like people in my personal space. Not even people I like. I certainly do not like prolonged physical contact with people. The idea of spooning gave me the heebie jeebies. Getting land-locked into someone’s arms? For, like, an undetermined amount of time? On purpose? Just lying there and staring straight ahead awkwardly? How is that fun?! Why would people want to do that? I toss and turn and it takes me ages to get comfy in bed. I’d probably accidentally elbow the other person in the face and then there would be blood and pain and we’d have to build a pillow wall before we could nod off safely.

But now I do spooning. A lot. I can’t fall asleep without it. I love spooning. It makes me feel happy and safe. Even on stupidly hot nights there’s nowhere I would rather be than in the circle of his arms. Ugh. Yes, I just said that. With those mushy words. Shoot me.

Honestly I have no idea what’s happened to me.

Saying mushy stuff to/about him
“You’re amazing”
“I miss you so much”
“I love you”
“You’re so important to me”

I haven’t written any love letters (yet) but the amount of soppy stuff I spout these days makes me wonder if I’ve been body snatched. I have nearly dislocated my eyeballs in the past from rolling them so hard when other people said crap like this that I can hardly believe I’m saying it myself.

And I don’t care. I love it. I can’t say this stuff enough because I want him to know how important he is to me and how much I care about him. I don’t care who hears it as long as he does.

To be fair, I still roll my eyes when other people say garbage like this, though.

Public Displays of Affection (PDA)
Hand-holding, kissing, goofy smiling, bum grabbing and walking arm-in-arm, it’s all part of the deal now. We are one of those couples.

Couples.

Seriously.

I never wanted to even do any of those things before let alone do them where other people could see them! Now I can’t get enough of it. Run into his arms at the airport and smooch the hell out of his whole face? Done it. Long lingering kisses while waiting for the tram? Yup. Tearful embraces at Departures? Been there. Don’t care.

Sharing my space
I am jealously protective of my alone time and having things just so in my apartment. I firmly believe that house guests are like fish – they stink after three days (or something). If you’ve been in my home for longer than a week and I haven’t gotten snippy with you, you are one of the chosen few and I tolerate you better than most. But I’m still happy to see you go home after. I am not good at being around people for extended periods of time without some kind of buffer time to reload. I run out of sociable and need to refuel. No matter how much I care about you, I need to not be near people every now and then.

I do not like seeing your stuff where my stuff should be. I do not like you putting the tea cups back in the wrong place or leaving them on the table for ages. I don’t want you sitting on my spot on the couch. Or the chair. Or asking questions while I’m reading or watching TV. I just really don’t want people in my space. My apartment is my sanctuary and having people in it wigs me out.

I used to joke that my ideal relationship would be a long distance one where I wouldn’t have to see my partner very often or for very long. Oh, how foolish I was! Be careful what you wish for and all that jazz. I now have a long distance relationship and I spent our goodbyes the last two times boo-hooing about how I was going to miss him. There were tears and I didn’t want him to go. Normally I can’t wait to see the back of a person after a long stay (no matter how much I care about them) and with this guy even after we’ve spent three weeks together, non-stop, no breaks or escapes, I didn’t want it to end.

He has left some of his stuff behind. In my apartment. Little things here and there but they’re here for when he comes back next time and I’m reassured when I see them. I want more of his stuff to be here. Permanently.

If I were ever to meet Past Jo and hear her make a joke about needing someone who was never there, I’d have to slap her. Foolish woman.

—

How did I get here? How did this guy burrow his way under my infallible armour and take hold so completely and so quickly? How did I ever deserve someone who remembers where things go in my apartment and makes an effort to put them back there? How did I get a guy who loves me so much that he’ll walk my dogs and poop scoop even though it makes him physically ill?  How did I end up with a partner who makes me laugh and smile so big it hurts? Where did this man come from who learns to play my favourite songs on the guitar and surprises me with recordings of them?

And how did I end up being someone who likes all that? Past Jo would have given herself an aneurysm laughing at people who did these things and got all gooey about it. I am that gooey person now. And I’m not even sure how it happened. I’m enjoying every second of it and I couldn’t tell you how it came about.

That cliché about it hitting you like a ton of bricks is true; I got hit and I got hit hard. I’m loving every minute of it but I still stop and look around and wonder how I got here. How I found myself so completely and utterly converted into a romantic fool. How on earth did that happen to the most cynical and sarcastic bitch going? How did the lady in a fortress so secure end up getting so absolutely overtaken by something I was certain was Not My Thing? I was going to be happily single forever, blissfully unburdened by such mundane things as love and companionship. I had cats and dogs and friends and family, what more did I need?

This. I needed this. So, so badly. I am not ashamed to say I was very wrong about relationships. I certainly wasn’t looking for one but I’m very glad he found me.

x