A Year of Dan & Jo: February

If you’re confused and wondering what this is about, the first instalment “January” is here.

The first two weeks of February were spent compiling a list of movies to watch together (for real) when I came to visit and how lovely it would be to cuddle up on the couch and watch them together. We also spent a fair amount of time recommending movies to each other and making plans for festivals and other visits later in the year. Despite knowing each other for  just over a month we were already very comfortable making long term plans.

I was having a hard time at work and he was going through the frustrating process of finding a job and, as such, we were both feeling a bit helpless being too far away to actually comfort each other. So we started a cuddle tally. He kept track of how many cuddles we owed each other to the point where we figured I wouldn’t be able to move much as I’d be in a permanent hug. The hugs weren’t real but the sentiment was and it helped us through a pretty rough time. Also, the promise of physical contact, something I had not been interested in in over a decade, was an exciting new thing.

Our texts and messages were getting increasingly more flirty and naughty. At any point of the day you could see me looking at my phone screen and smiling like a ninny. Just hearing “his” ding on my phone made me smile before I even knew what he’d sent me.

The day after Valentine’s Day our little planning bubble was burst as the person hosting my visit cancelled the whole thing. With three days left before I was due to fly out, we were literally out in the cold. We quickly realized that we were both too invested at this point to leave it as it was and decided to go ahead with the trip but find our own location. I had the plane ticket already, after all, it would be silly not to use it. We went in search of a hotel and it was quickly booked. The thought that I might be a bit reckless heading to a hotel in the middle of nowhere to spend four days with someone I had met for the first time a month and a half ago did cross my mind but didn’t take root as none of this felt like the wrong decision. I had been starting and ending my day with him for over a month. He was anything but a stranger.

Standard wake up call

My flight was on Saturday February 18th and I was due to land in the morning. The night before, I slept like a rock but I spent the whole morning jittering around the apartment thinking I might be forgetting something and hoping this trip met even a fraction of my expectations. The flight is only an hour so I spent more time waiting at the airport than I did on the plane. By the time I landed I was ready to jump out of my skin. What on earth was this weekend going to be like? What if we didn’t have anything to talk about? What if we didn’t click in person? What if he changed his mind?

I shouldn’t have worried. When I walked through the doors in arrivals and saw him sitting there waiting for me (slouched a bit with his hands in his pockets), his face lit up as I walked through and I knew we would be fine. I got a very sweet and quick kiss on the lips and he took my bag and gave me his arm to walk me to the car. I grinned at him the entire way to the hotel. He grinned back.

We arrived at the hotel well before our check in time but the room was already ready so we could walk right through. We dropped off our bags and decided to go to the supermarket across the road for snacks and drinks before settling in to watch a movie. We were still in the grinning, shy and slightly awkward phase at that point but the distraction of finding food and drinks helped us settle down a bit. We loaded up on treats and headed back to the hotel.

Once we put down the shopping bags he started kissing me nearly immediately. He cupped my face in his hands and we kissed for what felt like hours. I won’t get into the exact details of how that went or what happened next (it’s not that kind of a blog) but at no time did I feel like I was being rushed and at all times I felt like I was being worshipped and my boundaries were being respected. It was the most familiar and amazing experience I’d ever had without ever having experienced anything like it before.

[insert steamy bits here … lots and lots of steamy bits] 😉

After we broke the ice, so to speak, we spent the day in bed watching movies, cuddling and … more. It was a lovely and natural flow from one to the next and we repeated it throughout the weekend. Occasionally we’d get dressed and venture out for real food and then we’d come back and fall back into bed, watch more movies, cuddle, sleep, repeat. I was gloriously unselfconscious and comfortable at all times. We joked about things, discussed things, shared memories and stories. We were also deliciously silent without feeling like we had to fill it with words. I could have stayed in that hotel room indefinitely.

I flew home on the 21st of February and we spent most of the morning lying on the bed in the hotel spooning. In the car on the way to the airport, despite my best efforts not to, I cried. I was utterly miserable and didn’t want to leave. If there are gods they are as wicked and malicious as the myths teach us they are. I had spent twelve years accepting and embracing my fate as a single person only to be tipped completely into love with someone and have him 300 miles away from me. It was utterly unfair and I was gutted. He walked me as far as he was allowed to, we said a very long goodbye and then I went through security, feeling completely deflated. Once through I found the restroom and cried there for a bit, then sat at the gate looking wretched. He had already texted me from his car in the parking lot.

I had a school trip to Newcastle coming up in March and we had tentative plans for him to meet me while I was up there but I did not fancy sharing my time with him with 130 pre-teens and my colleagues. This just wasn’t going to do. How was I supposed to accept fractured moments with someone I did not want to be away from for even a minute? One of the first things I did when I got home was to Google tips for long distance relationships … and try to find a weekend I could go visit him again before my trip to Newcastle.

One thing was for sure. I was in this 100% and there wasn’t a single doubt in my mind that he made me happy and I wanted to make him happy.

( … to be continued … ) x JI