A Year of Dan & Jo: April

April was a big month for us. We had our longest visit together to date, I had surgery, we traveled together and I celebrated my 40th birthday.

We had a bit of a nasty shock at the beginning of the month when his mom got into a car accident. Her car was hit by a runaway horse cart (the horse broke loose and the cart barrelled into her car). Thankfully she was fine but her car was a total loss which left them without one of the two cars they relied on. Normally not a problem but since Dan had left it a *teensy* bit late to renew his passport, it meant that he didn’t have his own car to drive up to the consulate to get it done. Which put a pretty massive strain on our timeline. He was flying out for my birthday on the 13th and, even getting a rush job on it, he was cutting it pretty close. He had to drive out to put in the rush application and drive back to get the actual passport but he could only do that on days that his mom didn’t need his car to get around for work. It was very frustrating watching time tick by and relying on everything going perfectly when it had to. In the end, he got his new passport, in hand, on April 10th.

I had been planning a huge birthday party for years because I wanted to celebrate my 40th in style. I wanted a theme and a venue and catering and a bar and I wanted as many people as could make it to be there. In the end the whole planning thing stressed me out so much that I ditched almost all of my big plans and just invited everyone who wanted to to join me at an Irish pub in the city centre. Some of my lovely friends even flew in from other countries to be there despite the fact that there wasn’t a big, organised happening, so it looked like all my worrying was for nothing.

Dan landed on the 13th while I was at work and he spent the day in the city and then walked to my place from there to meet me when I arrived home. It was the longest day ever at work because all I wanted to do was see Dan. Knowing he was so close and I had to wait was trying, to say the least. It was his first time back since New Year’s Eve and we had the place to ourselves. Driving into the parking lot and seeing him standing there made me happier than I can put into words.

After we walked the dogs (a task that would be all his after my surgery) we headed upstairs to have a “nice, quiet evening”. I’m not lying when I say we had every intention of watching TV (or a movie, I forget) but then we started kissing and before you knew it items of clothing were flying about and, as a result, my couch has stories that would make you blush. Then we got ready for bed and picked up where we left off. 😉

Waking up with Dan in my bed the next day was amazing. Even knowing I had to go to work, it was lovely to have him there and to know he would be there when I got home again. It was such a familiar and comfortable feeling. Thankfully I didn’t have a long day at work which meant I was home at a decent time and we had some time together before we were due to head out for our first social engagement together. We had dinner plans with other people. Some of my friends who had come in from other countries especially for my birthday party the next day were meeting us for dinner at one of my favourite little “best kept secrets in plain sight” restaurants and it was lovely. Dan did well being the only guy, too. Larissa, Claudia and Sara refrained from putting him in front of the Question Firing Squad (trademark pending) which meant we had a delicious meal and Dan would know more than a couple of people at my party the next evening.

I don’t remember what we did Saturday morning but I know it must have involved staying in bed for as long as possible, walking the dogs and taking it pretty easy before we were due to head out for all of the festivities. My parents, nieces and my Auntie Gay, who had travelled in from England, were taking the train to Amsterdam to have dinner with Dan and I before the party started so we met them at Central Station and walked to the Irish pub together. I was really pleased that my parents had already met Dan and liked him that past January which meant the pressure of “meeting the parents” was off. Now he was also meeting my nieces and one of my parents’ oldest friends and it really felt like he was one of the family. Auntie Gay has known me my whole life and she’s marked all by milestones with me. It was very important that she meet him.

Playing tourist while waiting for my family to arrive

Dinner was simple but fun and it was in the same pub that the party was going to be in so there was no rush to leave for another venue. The party itself was a blur. What I had hoped – my friends from different areas of my life getting together and having a good time together – happened, but I didn’t get to talk to nearly everyone on the night which was a shame. The time seemed to fly by and my cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling. I had told everyone not to bother with gifts, as them being there would be gift enough, but the silly beggars went and brought me armfuls of truly thoughtful and lovely presents and I got well and truly spoiled.

Dan found himself a comfy corner with my family and my friends from the night before and found himself the subject of much curiosity. There seemed to be a musical chairs of other friends taking the seat next to him and wanting to get to know the “guy that got Jo to change her mind about relationships”. He was told in every conceivable way that everyone was hoping I would find someone special some day but they weren’t holding their breath anymore. “So, this is the Dan” was a frequent exclamation that night. He took it all in his stride and seemed happy to answer any questions levelled at him while also being content to watch me be a social butterfly.

By the time everything had wound down and the two of us piled into a taxi with all my birthday spoils I could happily say I’d had an amazing birthday.

The next day we had a super lazy day, ordered in food and binge watched Orphan Black, which I had already seen but we’d started from the beginning so that we could watch the last season “together” when it came out later in the year.  It was the best possible way to spend the day after so much activity the day (and night ;)) before. We did more or less the same thing the day after on Easter Monday which made for a lovely long weekend before my one day of work before my surgery.

I’ve written at length about my surgery here so I won’t do all of those details again but I do want to note that I was really glad to have Dan there with me and I was especially grateful that he was so patient with me when I was more than a bit horrible and grumpy and short with him leading up to my big day under the knife. I was very nervous (only stitches I’ve ever had were for removed wisdom teeth and I’d never been under general anaesthetic before) and I took it out on him. He was a star and stayed so patient with me. Most of the time he pretended like I wasn’t even being awful but I know I was and I really, truly appreciated him being there and taking all of it on the chin. More so the next day when he drove me to the hospital on the wrong side of the car and the road and stayed with me and my grumpy self until it was time for me to get ready (and wait). It was lovely to see him come back in the room after my surgery as well and I knew I had a keeper when he told my green-faced, half-drugged, droopy self that I looked gorgeous. He made the whole thing so much easier to get through.

He was even more amazing in the days following my surgery when I couldn’t do much but squeak in pain every time I moved. We had set up the fold out couch in the living room so that I could get in and out of bed easier (the frame of my bed had, er, broken mysteriously a few nights before and the whole end of the bed was sagging down) and I would be closer to the bathroom if we were sleeping in the living room. He got me drinks and snacks, he walked the dogs and he generally made sure I was comfortable in every possible way. We cuddled up and watched more Orphan Black and I crocheted a bit between naps. I slept a lot in the first two days and I could do that without a care in the world knowing he was nearby and taking care of my fur faces.

Dan and Alfie, a classic bromance

By the third day after my surgery I was ready to leave the house and we had a date night using a restaurant coupon I got from a lovely colleague for my birthday. We went to a cute little Italian restaurant in the city center and, even though I was still pretty sore, I made it into and out of town in one piece and we had a lovely time. It was nice to be out at a restaurant, playing at being grown ups in a relationship. It was even lovelier walking through the city with the setting sun making everything warmer and more magical.

The next few days were spent on short visits to my family and friends. On Sunday we went to my parents’ house for dinner and my whole family was there (my parents, sister, her kids and her boyfriend). My mom made an impromptu buffet and we had a lovely time with my whole family in the same place instead of in smaller groups at a time. Then on Monday, the first day of my holiday, we went to visit my friend Emma and her little boy Zeph and then we went to my friend and colleague Edwin to drop off my dogs for their visit with him while I went off to England for a week. Even including my very busy birthday, Dan still wasn’t even close to meeting all of my Amsterdam friends yet but we’d made a very good start. While we’d been spending most of our time meeting people and seeing my favourite places, all new things for him, it still felt like he’d always been here and it was the most natural way for us to be.

My favourite trip to England was the one we took the next day when we got to travel there together. The singular fun there is in packing together and looking forward to something together made that silly little one hour flight over the channel very special. We got to the airport really early because there had been warnings about long lines and wait times and we ended up tripping through security in under five minutes which meant we had a lot of time to kill on the other side. And then on top of that, our flight got delayed by about half an hour. The flight itself was uneventful and when we arrived his mother was waiting for us, ready to show off her new car. Having only seen her for a few hours on my previous trip I was unsure how the hello would go but I needn’t have worried. I got a massive hug and a hello and she was very glad to see me again. Once we were back at his place Dan went to get some things from the car and she gave me an even bigger hug than the one I got at the airport and she thanked me for “making her Danny so happy.” You couldn’t wipe the grin off my face with a baseball bat.

Waiting for our delayed flight at Schiphol

We spent a couple of lazy days in bed because my stitches were really bothering me and I was still pretty sore (and had massively overdone it in the last few days for someone who’d just had abdominal surgery). He brought me to Hobby Craft to get yarn and a hook and I started making a big cardigan. We watched movies and slept and it was heavenly. Dan made us fajitas and everything was cozy and domesticated.

Kitchen King

Then, on Thursday, his mother announced that I needed to be shown the sights and Dan had to take me out somewhere nice. We decided on visiting Durham cathedral and having a walk along the water. It was a slow walk, no worries. I had already bought loads of leggings and long shirts because the jeans I had brought with me were rubbing against my stitches something awful. The cathedral was lovely and Durham itself is adorable. We had a lovely lunch after our walk along the water and then came back home to get changed for dinner as his mom was taking us out for a meal. She was adamant that I be shown a good time. Dinner was lovely (another Italian restaurant) and we had a walk along the marina where I got to see the statue of a monkey that got hanged for being a French spy (a story that may or may not have actually happened).

On our walk along the water in Durham.

The next day I was feeling pretty fit so we went to Whitby to visit the abbey and that was amazing! I’d been to Whitby before but hadn’t managed to get to the abbey that time. This time we did and there was even a birds of prey show on. We had a lovely fish and chips lunch at Trenchers and got ice cream and walked along the pier. I counted so many lovely dogs (it’s a thing I do; when I’m away from my dogs I tend to count all of the ones I see each day I’m gone) and even though it was a bit windy and cold we still had a marvellous day.

Whitby Abbey

Then came my last day in England and we spent an hour or two at a car boot sale before heading home to cuddle again. We were going to go catch a movie but decided we wanted to hole up together instead. The reality of my trip home the next day was hitting us and knowing I wouldn’t be seeing him again until June (if we even managed that) was weighing heavily on me. We didn’t talk much, just lay in each others arms on the bed and I cried a little. After spending three weeks together I normally would have been very happy to have some time to myself again but now I couldn’t fathom him not being there when I got home. Not having a countdown to the next visit was going to make it even harder to cope. I needed something to look forward to.

The next day at the airport was miserable. I cried shamelessly and got the shoulder of his hoodie all wet. Standing there, wrapped in his arms with my head on his shoulder I couldn’t seem to make my body turn away from him and walk away. Of course I had to and I miserably made my way to security. Everyone there pretended like they couldn’t tell I’d been crying (how very British of them) and then I cried some more when I was through to the lounge and waiting for my flight. I must have looked a right state but I didn’t care.

The flight home was uneventful and after picking up the dogs at Edwin’s I drove straight through to my parents’ place to spend the night at theirs. I tried very hard to focus on all of the lovely things we’d done in the last three weeks but it was just glaringly obvious that he wasn’t with me anymore and that I really wanted him to be. He fits perfectly and now there’s a big Dan-shaped hole when he’s not there.

Knowing I wouldn’t be seeing him at all in May was a very bitter pill to swallow.  

(… to be continued …) JIx

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Also in this series: February and March (link to January in the text)